lunch decisions at 8.20

Buying your lunch at 8.20 is laden with problems.

If you skip breakfast, you buy a big lunch and maybe some breakfast.

But when you've eaten your breakfast, you realise you didn't need the big lunch after all.

It's just one of the things in life that makes your day a bit more complicated.

I am eating my lunch that I bought at 8.20 this morning.

I hate the decisions I make at 8.20 in the morning.

A man is on the train in a MacLeod kilt and sporran. I think he's amazing.

Beautiful Italian looking woman sat opposite me. I could run my fingers through her hair forever.

A man sat near me looks so exhausted about everything. Dave works in an office in middle management. Stationery supplies.

I accidentally made eye contact with him and now he's staring at me.

He's looking at me like I can solve his problems at home. Gill is more like a sister now than a wife. 


Why am I always the rebound?

A person has a monophonic version of 'Cars' by Gary Numan as their ringtone. They are very popular this evening. And have no shame.

Dave is still staring. I'm starting to feel very uncomfortable.

I sometimes look at my timeline and think 'who the fuck are you?'

I need to paint my nails.

And then I look at my own tweets and see the ramblings of an lunatic.

The new F1 season starts in 44 days.

sasha and mike

I am walking with a slight limp. This isn't how it was meant to be.

A man is wearing a flat cap. It's doing nothing to disguise his rapidly thinning hairline.

The crows in the skeletal tree behind are beginning to stir. One of them caws and the others tweet back as if to say 'it's too early!'

I can see that it's raining. Where's my umbrella? By the front door.

A girl is sat in my usual seat. I am forced to face forward. This will make me nauseous, no doubt.

Every day a man let's me go in front when getting off the train. I have only just discovered that he gets on this train before me.

His name is Andrew. He is a happy, kind hearted man.

Unlike the conductor who's checking tickets today. This woman is like a mini-hitler. Barking her way through the aisles.

It's 7.45. There is absolutely no need for shouting or, indeed, barking.

Jane, the conductor, is in a loveless relationship. Her partner Dave struggles to perform in the bedroom. She puts too much pressure on him.

And she takes it out on us poor passengers.

Someone is eating crisps. No doubt the girl who took my seat.

I don't understand the idea of eating crisps before 12.00. It actually repulses me.

Sasha, a woman with home dyed auburn hair, is fairly sure her husband Mike is having an affair.

With a younger woman.

She suspects it's with Kate, the HR Advisor. 

Actually Mike is having an affair. But it's with Sasha's sister, Susan.

Mike thinks Sasha doesn't appreciate him. He works every hour god sends but it's still not enough for her demanding ways.

She already has four handbags, why did she need that one in Debenhams? She didn't. And one day she drove Mike to it and he slept with Susan.

Susan is certain Mike will leave Sasha for her. He won't.

Two men are laughing away about some Chinese food they ate. A real 'bromance' is blossoming.

I can smell sausage roll.

Stupid umbrella.

katherine and the roller disco

There's a girl who thinks she's from Brixton having volume control issues. Stop. Shouting. I don't care about Leeroy and Chayanne.

She thinks she's from Brixton but everyone knows she's from Fratton.

A fitness fanatic jus sat next to me. In a waterproof jacket. Lycra legging things. And helmet. She smells of trying to hard.

She's not wearing any makeup and her hair is cropped. She takes herself way too seriously to care about her appearance.

And she wonders why John never takes her to fancy restaurants?

John's away on a business trip. She trusts him. She shouldn't. He's not cheating but he's thinking about the relationship.

Is it really going anywhere? Katherine is career focussed and insecure. And he thinks she might be gay.

A lady is talking about the roller disco she went to at the weekend. She's talking about the politics about roller discos.

She's been once. She is now an expert.

Now listing every single injury she sustained. Stretched arm. Aching shoulder. Potential fractured finger (suspect this is an exaggeration)

I wonder if telling her companion five times how long they skated for and how much it cost is enough? Apparently not.

I can't stop thinking about my umbrella.

neil and sarah

There's a girl delicately devouring a yoghurt opposite me. Innocently and naively pretty. Carefully ensuring she gets every last drop.

She was bullied at school for having handmedowns.

Claire is plagued by a nagging feeling that she's left something behind on her desk.

At work.

Every day. Not just today.

Poor Claire. No self confidence or self belief.

Funny how business men that earn £90k per annum are clueless when it comes to the silent function on their mobiles.

That's right, shouty in the corner, none of us can make phonecalls when we're in tunnels.

Young man with exceptionally deep voice is filling the carriage with his bellowing laugh. It's almost contagious.

A couple near me. Neil and Sarah. She's pretending to be asleep to appear vulnerable. He's panicking because his ex just added him on FB.

Neil doesn't know what to do. Does he accept? He doesnt want to be rude to cassie. At the same time Sarah will hit the roof.

Sarah is a very jealous person. She's been hurt a lot. But not as much as she's hurt others with her possessiveness.

She'll always regret the way things ended with Chris but she just was not prepared to have a relationship with a mummy's boy.

A man shovelling crisps in his mouth like a frog catching flies. Where he's from if you don't eat quickly, you don't eat. He's from Peckham.

Claire's lower lip is protruding from her mouth like a scorned puppy's.

Neil is tapping his foot. Sarah is still 'asleep'. This is going to be messy when she finds out.

A man just sat next to me bringing with him a heady aroma of body odour and, bizarrely, kiwi fruit.

He keeps looking at me. I want to turn to him and say 'I know I look a mess but at least I'm not wearing a green hoody and I own deodorant'

Why didn't I pick my umbrella up this morning? I looked at it. And thought about it.

I am walking like I have no control over my legs. Is this what it's going to be like now-my legs disagreeing with every decision I make?

boring council woman & man who works at the gym

A lady that works for the local government is sat next to me. 

Reading Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. 

Dogs Trust bookmark. 

Dated hair. Married. Dull.

She is so very boring that I might fall asleep.

Boring council woman plays the piano. 

She met her husband when she was playing at a dance. 

She thinks that's why he fell in love with her.

So she continues to play. 

Every Thursday night.

For a few years, Jim didn't mind the piano playing.

Maybe even enjoyed it.

But now he's reached the point where he welcomes the excuse of slight deafness.

After 30 years she still doesn't know that it was because she had a big split in her skirt that flashed her thigh whenever she used the peddle.

Man obviously having problems with the volume adjustment on his phone speaking very loudly in case the other end is having the same problem.

Breathtaking girl just walked through. We're all staring. She knows it. We know she knows it. 

Everyone's pretending not to have noticed.

She's spent her entire adult life perfecting that walk so she gets some of the recognition her face deserves.

Small balding man built like a machine surveys the carriage. 

He works at the gym and has issues with the size of his manhood.

He shouldn't. Karen, his girlfriend at college, didn't. 

But his insecurities were too damaging and he broke up with her. To "set her free".

That's how he justified it. Karen never forgave him. She's now a nun.

stephen and the stationery girl.

Every day I get the same four trains with a tall man who goes home to loveless relationship. His face sad and his sandwiches unkempt.

His girlfriend taps him on the head and says "what's going on in there?"

He looks away, fighting back the anger.

Poor man.

It's only a matter of time before he doesn't come home one day because he's finally kissed the girl who orders the stationery.

Their fling has been a long time coming.

He doesn't even bother making excuses to IM her any more.

He sits at his grey desk and automatically taps away.

"Morning Kate"

The short wait of 40 seconds for a response cripples his confidence.

"Morning Steve x"

"I wonder if she fancies me?" He asks himself. Constantly.

To balance out all the madness in my head I am now listening to Swan Lake. It's not helping.

23 unread text messages, 35 missed calls and voicemails, 568 unread emails. I need to get a grip.